by Lori Feldmann
I recently had a friend remark to me that “you sure do use the word Sovereignty a lot”. I laughed, because she was right. But I’m unapologetic for my overuse of the word, and I think it lies at the core of what we are trying to do on this personal path of growth that we are following in the Sisterhood. All of us, as women in this world, have varying degrees of a lifetime of being told what to do, how to act, what to want. And we are all trying to undo the pain of that – so what more of an ultimate goal are we seeking than the Queen within? That woman who is beholden only to herself, and who makes decisions based on what is best for HER – to have her wants, her life, and her passions guiding her decisions, and no one else’s. I think that concept is foreign to a lot of women who have had little experience really listening to that voice within.
And I believe it is by finding the young girl who was, the inner child in all of us, that is ultimately what will guide us on this path to our Sovereign selves. Tuning into her takes practice, compassion, and a willingness to feel pain and loss, yet also to soothe and heal. We must work to find her – the girl who bursted with freedom and joy and ideas, before she heard the word “no” over and over again about her own life, her own body.
My own journey into finding the Sovereign Queen within was a long one. The more I tried to make choices based off my deep desires and dreams, the more I ran into roadblocks of my own fear and years of conditioning to “be afraid and be less, because no one likes women who are loud and fierce” It was during these early years of the work that I realized I could not expect to jump to the end of the path, without fixing what had been broken at the start of the journey. It was after this realization that I had a life-changing meditation experience, which led to a meditation practice I used for years afterwards in my healing work. Through this experience, I spent time with my Inner Child – my younger self who had been so hurt and so wronged – who did not understand what had happened to her and why. And I just talked to her. I used the wisdom I had gained as an adult to share with her why things happened, to help her heal. And in return, she healed me. She reminded me of the things she loved to do, she asked me why didn’t I do these things anymore (I had no good answer for her). The conversations I had with her while in meditation were filled with tears and joy, and they were some of the most healing moments of my life.
In the hopes that maybe my journey to healing and Sovereignty (by no means complete) might help others, I have crafted what I used over those years of my journey into a mediation for you to follow. I highly encourage this to be a daily practice, especially if you are just starting to work a cycle of healing or looking to claim your own Sovereignty. Acknowledging and healing your inner child is the first step into transforming her. When she is healed – when you have let go of those hurts that amassed over the years – you are freeing her and gaining a vast resource of WHO YOU WERE. There is a saying that I love: “Remember who you wanted to be” – and unlocking your inner child is the best resource for unlocking your inner queen (indeed, I think they are the same part of us). When you have access to the part of you who knew what she wanted to be, who knew what she loved and had dreams of what she wanted from this world, you can begin to live from a Sovereign state of being – making decisions for yourself from a place of wholeness and in pursuit of the things that truly matter to YOU, and no one else.
About the Author
Lori Feldmann has been a member of the Sisterhood of Avalon for 16 years, and serves as Cycle Matron on the Council of Nine and as a hearth mother for her local hearth in Poughkeepsie, NY. She has been on a Goddess and women’s spirituality-centered journey for over 20 years, and is called to helping other women find their own path. A former editor of the Tor Stone, she has been writing and publishing articles on Goddess spirituality for over a decade, and finds the written word to be her most joyous outlet, and a way to help other women find their own Sovereignty and purpose.